Yesterday I was reminded again of something we rarely talk about — the impact of childbirth on a relationship.

So much around birth is celebratory: the miracle, the arrival, the joy. And of course it should be. But what’s often left unspoken is what happens to the relationship itself.

When a child is born, something else is born too — a new version of the couple. The exclusivity that once defined them fractures. Sleep disappears, rhythms collapse, identity shifts. The mother turns toward the baby, as she must. The partner often finds themselves unsure how to reach her, or where they fit.

No one is doing anything wrong. But everything has changed. The relationship that existed before has to be rebuilt — not just adapted.

In therapy, when couples start tracing where things began to unravel, it’s striking how often it leads back to this moment — the birth of the first child. The moment that’s supposed to be purely beautiful can quietly become the beginning of distance or disconnection.

And there’s often shame in admitting it. Because this time is supposed to be amazing. You can joke about not sleeping, but not about feeling disconnected, lonely, or about the loss of what was before. That part stays hidden — covered by the pressure to be grateful, to be glowing, to be fine.

Maybe what couples need before the baby arrives isn’t just advice about sleep and feeding, but preparation for what will happen to them. Because birth doesn’t just create a child. It creates a new relationship.