“I just want someone who loves me unconditionally and accepts me exactly as I am.” It sounds romantic, but it is one of the most seductive myths in modern relationships.

Beneath it lies a quiet assumption: that the purpose of a relationship is to have our needs met, to be affirmed and soothed without friction or demand. It imagines love as a refuge from growth rather than a catalyst for it.

But real relationships do not operate as emotional entitlement systems. They involve impact, negotiation, discomfort, and movement. Two people meet, collide, and are inevitably shaped by one another. If one person is “accepted exactly as they are,” someone else is doing the adapting — bending, absorbing, or silencing themselves to maintain that illusion. That is not unconditional acceptance. It is imbalance disguised as devotion.

The longing itself often makes sense — especially for those who grew up unheard, unseen, or criticised. But turning that longing into an expectation that a partner should love without ever requiring change collapses the relationship into a self-serving container.

Healthy relationships challenge us. They expose our limits, call us to expand, and require that we consider someone other than ourselves. They demand reciprocity — not worship.